


Yearning

by Abrokencrown



Category: Running Man RPF
Genre: Bread, Butter, Hurt/Comfort, I love them so much, M/M, i dont know what to add, jongkook yearning for kwangsoo, kwangsoo being a cutie, some part of me still hopes for this to come true in real life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 11:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30138711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abrokencrown/pseuds/Abrokencrown
Summary: Kim jongkook yearns for the past
Relationships: Kim Jongkook/Lee Kwangsoo, Lee Kwangsoo & Yoo Jaesuk
Kudos: 5





	Yearning

Kim joong kook stood alone on his balcony, the cold air kissing his skin so gently. His brown hair a flock of mess atop his head as he trembled lightly at every whisper of the wind. His feet are bare and the floor was cold beneath him, it would damaged his health but Joong kook could not find himself to care. 

Not tonight atleast. 

He could not sleep, everytime he close his eyes he could not help but think about Kwangsoo's gentle smile, or his maniacal grin that he always thought was too big for his face. 

He then would think about his laugh and joong kook would fight the smile of his face and the butterflies that would plague his stomach because of how it sounds. His laugh was loud and sometimes he would gasp for air and it would almost look comical because it strangely did not fit him, but Joong kook thought it was the most beautiful thing he had heard in his life, like the sound of wind chimes or the cackling of fire in the middle of the snow storm. 

Kim joong kook closed his hand into a tight fist, nails digging on his palm that he almost thought it would bleed. 

His heart was beating frantically on his chest, echoing on his ears until he could not hear anything but that. It sounded like a beaten drum and despite the cold air that send shiver down his spine, he was sweating. 

Is he sick? 

What is wrong with him? 

Of course he was sick, he's always sick in the cold days. Maybe he will get a cold tomorrow? 

He better rest then.

But why is he thinking about Kwang soo? 

Perhaps he missed him, they haven't talk in a while ; not as much as they used to anyway. 

Kwangsoo doesn't call him in the middle of the night anymore, he used to do it in the past and joong kook would lay awake at night with blankets wrapped around him and wait for the loud ringing of his phone. He would make sure to count 10 seconds before picking up and make his voice deeper and grogier as if the younger man had just awoken him.

He missed it. 

He missed him. 

Joong kook sighed before making his way to his bed but not before glancing at the phone on his nightstand with glistening eyes. 

His hand reach for it, tips of his fingers trembling. 

Should he call him? 

He wouldn't be a bother would he? 

They're family right? 

The palm of his hand met his phone and joong kook pressed the button quickly, the lightning blinded his eyes but he did not let it bother him. 

' 3:49 am ' 

He clenched his jaw. 

heartbeat loud on his ears. 

Sweat dripping down the back of his neck. 

His eyes hurt as he continue to look at the blinding screen of his phone. 

Then it stopped. 

Joong kook blinked. 

His mouth tasted like sand and his heart aches. 

He put the phone down. 

He'll pretend he only picked up his phone to look at the time and not to call his friend who he missed more than anyone in his life. 

Because joong kook would rather eat a ramen than admit that he craved Kwangsoo's deep genuine voice and his warm touch that never failed to made him shiver. 

Kim joong kook shut down his phone. 

Monday rolled in and Kim joong kook indeed have a cold. His head aches and his nose was runny, he was dizzy and his whole body felt ten times more heavy. 

He wanted nothing but to stay in bed and watch old funny movies and cartoon reruns that made him miss the days when he used to run around in the street of Anyang. 

But he still found himself standing in front of the running man producer and PDs with a black warm sweater and a comfortable pants. He was standing next to a smiling HaHa with colorful clothes that hurt his eyes, next to him was Se chan, grinning wildly as he talk to some of the producer about something joong kook did not pay attention to as he was too busy scanning the area for a 6'4 clumsy man with an adorable smile. 

"Yah, why is everyone late?" He asked with a frown, wondering why Yoo Jae Suk who is usually too early for his own good weren't still there. 

"jae suk-hyung have never been late in his life" Se chan then followed up, curiously looking around. 

"Is something happening?" HaHa asked, eyes glimmering with unsaid suspicions. 

"No, no they were just late" 

"Huh." Joongkook uttered as he looked at the camera, the red blinking light wasn't there indicating it was off. 

Maybe they're were just late. 

"Good morning!" The sound of Jae suk voice was loud yet deep as he greeted every staff, he was wearing a gray jacket and a white hat with jeans. He look rushed as he tried to fix his clothing, a frown on his face as if he was so deeply disappointed that he was late. 

"Ah hyung! Why are you late?" Se chan asked as he walked up to greet the MC with a grin. 

"My car broke down, sorry" he excused. 

"Hello, Good morning, hello" 

And suddenly there was a ringing on his ear. 

His heart beat maniacally on his chest and his fingers shook. 

it was Lee kwang Soo. 

Joongkook eyes automatically snapped to the sound of his deep mellow voice. 

It was different from the one he used on the media, Kwangsoo's genuine voice felt like honey or like a water gliding off a leaf, smooth and calming. 

Joongkook always thought it was voice fitted for a talk underneath the thousand stars, laughing about nothing yet everything. 

"Yah! Kwangsoo! Why are you late? Aren't you ashamed of yourself?!" Jae Suk greeted him with a large grin, eyes glimmering as he saw him. 

Yoo Jae Suk favorite member is ,without a doubt, Lee kwang Soo. 

"Hyung you're late too!" Kwangsoo pointed out with a small laugh and joong kook almost felt dizzy. 

Jae suk laughed and patted the man on the back with a soft smile before asking him how was his night. 

Joong kook watched them with tight jaw, he wanted to greet kwangsoo like he had greeted him back in the old days. 

Playful punch with smile filled with adoration and a hug too long to be considered normal. 

But somehow he can't because even if it's hard to admit it, both him and the man had grew apart. 

"Yah lee kwang soo!" Jihyo's voice had suddenly echo throughout the room, even the wind had gone quiter as all eyes were on hers. 

"Ehh noona-" 

"What did you post on your instagram?!" She yelled, eyes blazing with fury that even joongkook had to swallowed the spit on his mouth in fear. 

"Yah you didn't delete it?" HaHa asked, and Joong kook wonder if he's the only one who's confused about what's going on.

"I-I forgot!" Kwangsoo panickly said as he moved far away from jihyo's reach, he only now noticed the red blinking light of the camera recording the interaction of two dysfunctional people he calls friend. 

"Aigoo kwangsoo, i even called you to delete it" Suk Jin stated as he crossed his arms. 

Is he really the only one who doesn't know what's going on? 

"You brat!" Jihyo yelled as she slapped kwang soo at the back of his head, the younger man almost bowed on the ground if it weren't for Jaesuk who quickly took a hold of his arm as he howled in laughter. 

Joongkook's lip stretched into a smile but it had quickly vanished as he saw how lee kwang soo cling to the MC as if his life is on the line. 

He used to do it to him too. 

The tip of his finger shook as his gaze burned on the ruffled clothing jae suk wore as kwangsoo's hand gripped it so tight that his knuckles turned white.  
Joongkook wanted to yanked it off, wanting to break every little bone on jae suk arms and take kwangsoo's back to his side. 

"Yah joongkook why are you looking at me like that?!" Joongkook almost jumped on Jaesuk's voice. 

"Like what?!" Joongkook asked as he took an intimidating step, shoulder broad and muscle flexing and jae suk let out a nervous laugh before backing away. 

"Ehh hyung why are you backing away?!" Kwangsoo yelled with a laugh, hand still gripping Jaesuk arms. His dongsae is kneeling on the ground, hair a mess and dangling on his eyes, even now joong kook thought he looks beautiful. 

"I'm not backing away!" Jaesuk yelled as he backed away. 

"Kwangsoo get up" joongkook voice came out soft, like a tired lover's voice yearning for his other half. He cursed himself inwardly.  
"Yah get up its filthy there!" The palm of his hand gripped his bicep and joongkook was surprised at how solid it was,he was used at kwangsoo's thinner frame were all he could touch was bone and skin and a little bit of muscle but he now had just realized how much the younger man's body had changed. 

Joong kook know kwangsoo's body like the back of his hand, to the tip of his ugly nails that made lee kwangsoo insecure up to his brown soft hair that always smells like vanilla and mint. 

Joongkook was always touching him back in a day, if the day was good and joongkook was happy he would cling on his arm like a sleepy koala but if the day was grey and cold joongkook would lay his head on his broad shoulder because the scent of his cologne strangely made him feel at home. someday, much more often than he would like when joongkook felt like everyone is againts him and when his head  
felt heavy and his heart aches he would stick by kwangsoo's side, arm pressed together and hands gliding to one another at every step of their feet, sometimes kwangsoo would grabbed his hand oh so gently, his palm swallowing his whole as he gave him a comforting squeeze because somehow the younger man always know what was going on him, and those kind of small gesture brings a small tear on his eyes but he will continue to deny it for the rest of his life. 

He yanked him upward, giving the younger man no choice but to stand up.  
"Thank you, hyung" kwangsoo replied with a soft yet deep voice that echo on his ears and send shiver down his spine. 

"Hmmm" he hummed before he patted kwangsoo's designer sweater to dust off the imaginary dirt. 

"Oooh look at joongkook being a kind hyung" Jaesuk commented with a teasing smile tho Joong kook could not help but think there's something glimmering behind those eyes. 

"What do you mean? I'm always kind" he replied as he continue to fix his dongsae clothes, letting his hand linger for a little too long. 

"Alright we're already off the schedule so lets start now!" PD bo pil yelled, gaining their attention.  
"Please stand on your line everyone!" 

Kwangsoo thanked him once again, giving him a smile before walking towards the end of the line. Joongkook stared at his drifting back. 

he's so close yet so far away..

Joongkook followed him then, choosing to stand next him. Ji suk jin gave him a side eye before occupying his previous spot, joongkook stood next to kwangsoo who looked down on him curiously. 

"What?" He asked the man, making sure his eyes was hard and intimidating. Kwangsoo shook his head mutely before turning to look at a newly arrived Somin with a gray coat and a white hand embroid turtle neck underneath. 

"Oooh look at somin!" Se chan commented with a large grin, eyes glimmering as he scanned her outfit up and down. 

"She even fix her hair" kwangsoo stated as he pointed at the perfectly curled hair on Somin's back.  
"Someone handsome must be coming today" 

"You look beautiful somin!" Jihyo complimented with a dashing smile. 

"Thank you noona" she stated with a faint cherry blush before standing next to Sechan. 

"Joongkook is the only one under dressed today" Sukjin stated as he turned to looked at him. 

"What? What's wrong with it?"  
Joong kook asked because honestly he doesn't see what so terrible at his attire. 

"His outfit is always back, are you a grim reaper?" Jaesuk commented and that earned him a handful of laughs from the member and the staffs. 

"Black is a good color, it suit me well"  
Joongkook defend, fixing his sweater. 

"Ehh do you even have a stylist hyung?"  
Kwangsoo asked and joongkook gave him a half hearted glare but the corner of his mouth lifted up in amusement.  
"You always look like you're going to the gym" 

Joongkook elbowed him playfully, tho it wasn't that painfully, Lee kwangsoo being the great actor he is, kneel down in pain and yelled in agony claiming he broke his ribs. 

Joong kook felt something blossom on his stomach, making his lips stretch into a grin. 

He missed his dongsae.. 

Sadly, and almost painfully, they weren't place in the same team. Joongkook almost scream and kick yoo Jaesuk on the face when he had yelled kwangsoo's name as his first pick. 

First pick. 

If he had only won rock paper scissor, his dongsae would have been on his side. Tall and completely looming over him like a tree, warm and joyful like the sun yet soft and calm like the moon. 

Joongkook would give jae suk a hard time today, he know that for sure. 

He stood there now, a frown on his face he desperately wanted to hide and an almost irresistible scowl pulling on his lips. Sechan was next to him, blinking curiously as he watched the staff member aligned every equipment they needed for the first game, Somin was talking to him quietly asking about his night and topics joongkook could not heard of. 

Kwangsoo was nowhere to be found but his teammates were loudly chatting on the corner, Jaeuk and suk jin laugh echo through out the room and sometimes jihyo would too. 

Joongkook sighed as he typed on his phone, texting his brother and asking how he is and if he's eating well but then his finger stop as he saw a shadow near his foot, completely covering his whole body from the light. 

"Hyung" joongkook gulped. 

"Oh kwangsoo-ya?" He asked as he looked up, hoping the younger man would not notice the redding tip of his ear because of how close kwangsoo's face is. 

"Here.." He handed him a water bottle and a single piece of delicious looking butter bread that joongkook doesn't know where he had gotten from.  
"You look lonely, you should eat" 

Joongkook doesn't know how that apply to loneliness but he had long before gave up on understanding kwangsoo's perspective on many things. 

"Oh thank you" joongkook accepted the water bottle, the tips of their fingers brushing briefly. 

Joongkook tried to open the lid with shaking hands and loudly beating heart. 

And as fast as he can blink the water bottle was taken from his hands, joongkook looked up before he blink curiously to the tall man. 

"Let me, hyung. You're shaking" joongkook suppressed a blush "you have a cold dont you? You always have a cold in winter" 

"Yes"

"Did you take a medicine?" He asked as he handed him the now open water bottle. 

"I did, when i finished breakfast" kwangsoo nodded his head. 

"And what time was that?" Joongkook took a gulp on the water as he thinks. 

"About 4:30 in the morning" kwangsoo frowns as he take the water bottle from his hand and closed it. 

"You went for a run didn't you? Do you always exercise even if you don't feel well?" Joong kook gulped as he stared at kwangsoo's deep frowning brows.  
"Take another medicine after lunch, will you hyung? And dont exercise too much okay? Oh and eat the bread, I brought it for you"

He merely nodded at his words while he watched kwangsoo's retreating back, the fluorescent light hitting him so beautifully that he look like an angel sent from above, tall and oh so kind. 

And after the shoot, joongkook came home with a fancy bag filled with delicious butter bread and a swelling heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Kind of gave up at the end idk


End file.
